So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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