how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
