Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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