went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
