I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize