not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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