Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
