Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
