Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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