I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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