He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
