Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize