please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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