Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
