Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
