You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
