The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
