My friends, they love my intelligence
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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