dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
