I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
