i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
