I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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