so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
