wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
