I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
