I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
