My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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