my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I cut my penus on the lid.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
