So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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