Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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