Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
