I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
