I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
