I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
