just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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