we have pet lesbian snakes
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
