wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
