I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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