If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
