Nicole vs. Life
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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