dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
