Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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