all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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