Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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