my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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