That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize