i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
