i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
