I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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