Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
bring money and cleavage
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we should paint friendship bongs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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