She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
