finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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