We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
