Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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