My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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