It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
