Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
