i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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