My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
