I want to have your abortion
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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