Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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