My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
