why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
