Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
