Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My cat gives me a boner
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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