I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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