i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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