Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
