soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
