so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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