Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There r osticjed everywhere
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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