I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
