so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
