Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize