She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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