Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
