She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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