I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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