May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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