pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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