Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
