you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
