I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
