i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
