She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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