Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
