Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
