Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
