I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
