If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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