id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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