shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
