Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
