today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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