This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
