God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
