I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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