I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
