By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
