What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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