So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
