It was confusing and full of hummus
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
