I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
