He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You are a genius and a whore.
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