I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
