just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
